Confiding in Loved Ones

While battling addiction to harmful online content, you may have had thoughts about whether to confide in a close friend or family member you trust. Disclosing your struggle to a loved one could result in some damaging consequences to your relationships; or it could give you a valuable support network which could be an extremely positive step towards recovery and preventing relapse in to harmful online behaviour. Either way, this is a very personal choice, with various possible outcomes. 

Deciding on Disclosure

The decision on disclosure is highly complex and is affected by many variables. Here are some factors to help you consider your decision on whether to confide in a close friend or family member.

Dos and Don’ts of Disclosure – Some Helpful Tips

  • Make a list of people who are significant in your life – family members, friends.
  • Decide on the reasons why you feel it is important to share this information and consider the potential consequences of making this disclosure (both positive and negative) to them. 
  • Consider what level of detail you wish to disclose. Think about the appropriateness of how much to disclose. It is generally not helpful to go into too much detail, but equally, do not fudge the issue. Be clear and transparent.
  • Set the scene in your head before you do it for real. Rehearse what you are going to say? How do you start? Do you set up the meeting on the premise that you have something important that you wish to talk about? It may not be helpful to spring it onto someone who is unprepared for an important discussion.
  • Where and when is appropriate? Ensure there is enough time to discuss the issue in a place that you will both feel comfortable talking and where there is sufficient privacy.
  • Do not minimise your behaviour or blame it on anything or anyone else. People will react more favourably if they feel that you are taking responsibility for your actions and that you genuinely want to make amends and change your behaviour. It is ok to admit that you are feeling ashamed, guilty or embarrassed.
  • How will you deal with it if there is an unexpected or negative reaction? Allow the other person time to consider their response. Listen to their reply and react accordingly. Sometimes people want time to consider how they feel and other people may ask you a lot of questions. Be prepared to go with the flow. Before the end of the meeting, agree when you will next talk with them. This will help to reduce any anxieties of having no further contact or losing them as a friend.
  • Do not be hard on yourself – disclosure takes courage. Give yourself praise for being honest and strong enough to face your fear. Give yourself praise for respecting the other person and also for coping with the rejection if that happens.

It is essential to recognise that the decision to confide in a close friend or family member is highly personal. Each individual’s situation is unique, and factors such as the nature of the relationship, the level of trust, and the readiness of both parties should be considered. Seeking professional guidance can also be valuable in navigating the disclosure process as well as managing the aftermath, whether the outcome is positive or negative.

Exercise
  1. Make a list of the close adult relationships that are important to you. These can include your partner or spouse, family and close friends.
  2. Carefully consider the reasons for and against confiding in one or more of them.
  3. If you decide against disclosing your addiction or harmful online behaviour, think about whether you would like to reconsider this decision at a later time, or not at all. 
  4. If you decide that you would like to disclose, make a list of the reasons why you feel it is important. Then list the potential consequences for both, yourself and them.
  5. Carefully review the ‘Dos and Don’ts’ guidance above and plan how and when to attempt this.