Keeping Fantasy In Check
The human mind is a complex and intricate system, and one aspect that has intrigued scientists, psychologists, and individuals alike is the idea of controlling sexual thoughts and arousal. While it’s essential to recognise the natural and healthy aspects of human sexuality, there are instances where individuals may seek ways to manage or control these aspects of their lives. From a scientific standpoint, our understanding of the brain’s intricacies concerning sexual thoughts and arousal has advanced considerably. Neurotransmitters, hormones, and various brain regions contribute to the complex network that governs sexual desire. Psychological interventions, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), mindfulness, and meditation, have been explored as potential tools for managing sexual thoughts and arousal. These approaches aim to alter thought patterns, increase self-awareness, and promote emotional regulation.
Inappropriate Sexual Thoughts
Inappropriate sexual thinking can pose various risks, both for individuals and the broader community. These risks are not only detrimental to personal wellbeing but can also contribute to a culture that perpetuates harm and discrimination. Here are some key risks associated with inappropriate sexual thinking.
1. Violation of Consent: Inappropriate sexual thinking may lead to a disregard for consent, resulting in non-consensual or coercive behavior. This risk is particularly significant as it can cause severe emotional, psychological, and physical harm to individuals who experience unwanted advances or actions.
2. Perpetuation of Harmful Stereotypes: Unhealthy sexual perspectives can reinforce and perpetuate harmful stereotypes related to gender, sexual orientation, and identity. This contributes to a culture that marginalises certain groups, fosters discrimination, and creates an environment where individuals may feel judged or excluded based on their sexual preferences or characteristics.
3. Contribution to Unhealthy Relationships: Inappropriate sexual thinking may contribute to the development of unhealthy relationships characterised by manipulation, power imbalances, or emotional abuse. This can negatively impact the wellbeing of individuals involved in such relationships, fostering an environment that is detrimental to emotional and mental health.
4. Undermining Emotional and Mental WellBeing: Inappropriate sexual thinking can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, or anxiety. Such negative emotions may affect an individual’s self-esteem and mental wellbeing. Additionally, if these thoughts translate into actions that harm others, the repercussions can be profound for both the perpetrator and the victim.
5. Legal Consequences: Inappropriate sexual thinking that translates into illegal actions can lead to legal consequences. Criminal charges, lawsuits, and damage to one’s personal and professional reputation may result from engaging in behaviours that violate the law or ethical standards.
6. Impact on Personal Relationships: Inappropriate sexual thinking can strain personal relationships, both romantic and platonic. If individuals harbor disrespectful or objectifying attitudes towards their partners or peers, it can lead to a breakdown in communication, trust, and overall relationship satisfaction.
7. Decreased Emotional Intimacy: Unhealthy sexual perspectives may undermine the development of emotional intimacy within relationships. Objectification, unrealistic expectations, or a lack of understanding and empathy can hinder the establishment of deep emotional connections, leading to unsatisfying and unfulfilling relationships.
This diagram highlights that some inappropriate sexual thinking may have legal content.
Sexual Arousal
We will now explore a model of the ‘Sexual Motivation Cycle’. Here’s the key idea.
- Sexual arousal is treated as an emotion, triggered by a stimulus that promises potential reward. It’s similar to other emotions, accompanied by strong bodily reactions.
- This model emphasises the development of deviant sexual interests and preferences.
- Importantly, there’s a bidirectional relationship between sexual self-regulation and emotional self-regulation. Sex can regulate emotional states (like coping mechanisms) and conversely, emotions can regulate sexual arousal.
Here is a more simplified version.
Issues of Consent
As technology continues to play an integral role in shaping our social interactions, it brings with it new challenges and concerns, one of which is the issue of consent. Consent, a fundamental aspect of healthy human interactions, is equally important in the online world. In the digital realm, individuals engage in various forms of communication, including messaging, video calls, and sharing explicit content. The challenge arises in establishing and maintaining clear and informed consent when engaging in such activities, as miscommunication and misinterpretation become more prevalent in the absence of physical cues.
The risk of online sexual offending is heightened where there is no consideration of consent. This encompasses a range of behaviours, from non-consensual sharing of intimate images, to coercive and manipulative tactics in virtual spaces. The anonymity afforded by the internet can embolden individuals to engage in harmful behaviours, exploiting vulnerabilities and circumventing traditional barriers to interpersonal communication. Legislation in many jurisdictions is evolving to criminalise various forms of online sexual misconduct, emphasising the importance of explicit and ongoing consent.
Here are some of the common issues of consent.
Exercise
Briefly outline a recent fantasy.
Think about the ‘plot’ of the fantasy – What are you doing? Who is there?
What are the general underlying themes of the fantasy?
What does this fantasy say about me?
What role does this fantasy place you in?
How does this measure up with the type of person you are generally?
How does this measure up with the type of person you want to be?
Consider you fantasy content vs your actual life- how do these compare?
What does this fantasy tell me about my view of others?
Where does the fantasy put the others involved?
How do you treat the people in the fantasy? How do they treat you?
What if the roles were switched?
What does this fantasy tell me about my view of the world?
What sort of world would it be if you were or other people were able to act out this
fantasy?
Is it really the type of world you would like to live in?
How much possibility for meaningful, rewarding relationships would there be in this
world?
What is the likelihood of your fantasy expectations’ being met and would you want
them to be met?
What about from someone else’s perspective (e.g. a loved one) – what would they
think?
Fantasy Diary
This exercise involves you thinking about your daydreaming or fantasy, during the
period in which you were engaging in harmful online behaviour, and since. As it requires you to
look at your mental processes, it is especially important that you try to complete this
exercise when you are able to be reflective and free from distraction or interruption. It may be
helpful to think about the following in order to complete the exercise meaningfully.
1. Consider your past patterns of daydreams/fantasies as well as their current patterns.
2. Think about whether there were any patterns – for example, were there any links between times of day, particular events or mood states and your daydreaming/fantasies?
3. Think about the impact of sexual fantasy/daydreams at the time you engaged in harmful online behaviour and whether this differs significantly to how things are for you now.
The below diary sheets can be used to record your daydreams/fantasies (sexual and non-sexual) over the next week and to note down what was happening for you during the period you engaged in harmful online behaviour.
After you have completed the exercise, in a few sentences or bullet points describe what this exercise has helped you to understand about your online behaviour.